I set my alarm to wake me at six in the morning and I have decided tomorrow morning I will wake up, have breakfast, workout and walk the dog before I go to work. What could go wrong? My dog hops into bed and takes over the left side. He looks at me, waiting for me. I slip into bed next to him.
It’s nine o’clock and I close my eyes to drift to sleep. Thoughts of the day pass through my mind. I start reliving moments with customers that really bothered me. I just try to clear my mind as it begins to stress me out.
Nine-thirty, I began thinking about Jim and recall our fight we had a couple of days ago. I begin to wonder why he hasn’t called to work it out. Perhaps it’s for the best and I try to think myself into being single. I’m on facebook on my phone. I’m looking at my relationship status and I wonder if I should change it from being in a relationship to “it’s complicated”.
Ten o’clock, I realize I probably shouldn’t have drank that green tea right before going to bed. Off to the bathroom I go and I grab my phone, I check it and see I have a missed text. It’s from Jim. I can’t help but think he is my “it’s complicated” guy. Nothing can be simple or easy with him. Part of what attracts me to him and in the same it frustrates the hell out of me. After three years with him, I thought it would be easier but now I wonder how compatable we really are.
I look at the clock glaring ten thirty and wonder why I can’t sleep? Why did I look at my darn phone?! Now I can’t stop thinking about him. I am confused about us. I am thinking about walking away for good. I begin to feel frustrated I’m not asleep, frustrated I have to pee again and frustrated with Jim.
It’s midnight and I am almost done with writing and editing another chapter of my never ending book. I pick up my phone again after I return from the bathroom….again! I change my alarm to wake me at seven instead. I decide I will have to walk the dog after work. I start organizing my schedule for the week. I cuddle with the dog who is trying to ignore me cause he is happily sleeping.
One in the morning and I am playing word with friends scrabble. I have 30 games. I push back my alarm to eight in the morning. I remember memories that seem unimportant, I’m not sure why I am thinking of them now. The client from this morning that got under my skin replays in my mind. I breath and focus on clearing out my thoughts again. I remember the first time Jim kissed me. How he pursued me relentlessly and now he goes almost two days without a word. Just a text that doesn’t help clarify or resolve anything! I feel we are not right for each other anymore. I hate how this feels. I’m frustrated I’m not asleep and I have to go to the damn bathroom again!
Two in the morning, I’ve given up all hope and pushed my alarm to ten. I don’t have to be in the office until noon. I will just skip my work out. I pick up a book and read some. It perhaps was not the best choice, as it is filled with all sorts of interesting stuff and it is hard to stop reading, especially when things get steamy but then I start thinking of Jim again and feel sad and I miss being held by his big strong arms. I miss how good he smells. Then I realize my bladder is the size of a peanut. How can one cup of green tea make me pee this much?!
Three o’clock, I decide take the dog out for a brief walk in my pjs after I pee. I put on a coat and head out into the brisk morning with my dog in tow. Strange how quite the neighborhood is. We get to the creek that runs through the neighborhood. In the stillness I hear a croaking symphony of what sounds like a hundred bullfrogs. My dog is happily on a mission to leave his mark and pays no attention to the slimey buggers. He finds his spot next to the biggest toad I’ve ever seen. The toad doesn’t move and keeps croaking. It’s a surreal moment. I wonder if I did fall asleep. I look up at the stars and they shine so brightly with a haze in the sky. It looked like the Milky Way. The moon is full and bright. I push my two fingers into my other hand to see if they slip through my flesh. They don’t, this is how I know I am still awake. My dog has accomplished his mission and he happily walks me back to the house. I think it was a perfect time to walk in my pjs and flip flops. I take off my jacket. My dog gets some water and food and I send a text to Jim as I head back to the dam bathroom. I have decided to forgive him and tell him I miss his sexy ass and want to know when he will be available for some naughty fun with me?
Three-forty-five, I am in shock I am still awake as I am now back in bed laying in the dark and hating on my clock, as I stare it down. The dog is fast asleep. I feel like he has a super power of sleep, how does he do it?!
Four-fourteen, I lie there trying to mediate to calm my busy mind. Shortly after I finally drift off.
Eleven in the morning I wake up, realizing I set my alarm wrong. Now I’m late and I rush to get ready and be off. I step in the shower. I did not hear Jim come in. He surprises me and slips into the shower. He tells me he misses me and he is sorry. I feel so happy in this moment and enjoy his lips as I taste relief and joy. I feel his strong arms wrapped around my waste. I decide to call in sick and spend the day in bed….with my “it’s complicated” guy.
©LJS03262015
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